I love it when one of my friends finally gets a shiny rock on her left hand. I find joy in seeing the excitement on her face when sharing the news of her engagement and early ideas for her wedding day. And I usually count down the months in anticipation of watching her exchange heartfelt vows.
One of my girlfriends got engaged a few months ago, but unfortunately, she quelled those aforementioned warm and fuzzy feelings.
Once she and her fiancé decided to have a destination wedding, I, along with our close group of friends, was elated that we had an excuse to get summertime fine and head to the Caribbean.
While having girl chat in preparation for this getaway, the bride started talking about her expectations for her big day. She shared that she had recently read somewhere that a wedding guest should give a gift equivalent to the price of the guest’s plate. After dishing out money for my own wedding a few years ago, I said that would be awesome, but it’s unrealistic.
As the conversation continued, the topic slightly veered towards a price range that a guest should be in when buying a wedding gift. The bride gave her opinion, which was a bit higher than what the rest of us, who were more so on the minimum with our suggestions, thought a person should spend.
Although this conversation was somewhat enlightening, I couldn’t help but think that the bride had ulterior motives in initiating the discussion. Does she have an expectation for wedding gifts or was she simply educating us?
I was concerned about this because the bride chose to have a destination wedding. While I’ve been invited to destination weddings, I’ve never had the chance to attend one until now, so the couples have always received a nice gift from me. But if I had attended, the outcome would have been different.
As much as I believe in showering newlyweds with gifts, I am opposed to purchasing items for a couple getting married overseas. The main reason is due to the travel costs, as I believe that a person’s presence for these types of weddings is a gift in and of itself. The total cost of a round-trip flight, hotel and food alone is pretty high for a married couple (with kids to care for) traveling to the festivities, with prices that can be upwards of $2,000. So if you ask me, buying a gift isn’t even an option at that point.
I am all for asking for what you want and that includes gifts. Whether it’s kitchen towels, some cookware or the traditional set of china. However, isn’t there a PC way of going about it?
I know everyone has their opinion on wedding gifts and I’ve heard that some people believe that asking for money, straight out, is uncouth.
In a Brides.com article titled “How to Ask for Cash Wedding Gifts Without Looking Tacky,” the author, Tyler Atwood, says that while it’s acceptable to ask for cash gifts, it’s the way it is approached that must be handled with tact. “Many couples find the most effective manner of doing this is by setting up a wedding fund and elaborating on exactly what the money will go towards.” he wrote.
Ironically, my friend did set up a money fund and I have yet to decide if I will be contributing. I have to wonder, would I give her a gift (or contribute to the money fund) if she hadn’t brought up the topic of gifts? Or would I stick to my guns and not purchase one due to the expense of attending her destination wedding?
Either way, I think that a bride or groom asking for gifts (outright or discreetly) should be a don’t on a wedding etiquette list, and if we’re ranking things, expecting gifts if you’re having a destination wedding should be at the top of that list.
Image via Bigstock
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